I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize