people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
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