I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
When did angry sex become our thing?
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Randomize
