Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
There's even glitter on my cock...
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
