mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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