Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Randomize