Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
