No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
no you cant smoke seaweed
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
