I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Randomize
