Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
