I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
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