mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
She said her name was "party"
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
