i barfeds in our rink
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
