She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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