I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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