my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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