I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize