Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Randomize
