whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
