I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Sorry about my life...
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Randomize
