3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
did you just send me my own nude
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
