I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Randomize