he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
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