it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
