Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Randomize