a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Randomize
