so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
