Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
