Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize
