I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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