dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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