goodnight i made you a song goodbye
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Randomize