There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Randomize
