Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
