Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Naked. naked and bneed help.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Randomize
