The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
You've changed since you got that strap on
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
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