Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Randomize