Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
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