just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
