That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
