i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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