I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
