I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
My butt remains clenched, sir.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
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