I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
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