I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
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