And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
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