First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Randomize
