The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Randomize
