If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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