I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Randomize
