there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
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