...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
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