I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
