walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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