help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Terrible idea I love it
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
