The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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