I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
