Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Randomize
