Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
