a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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