windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Randomize
