I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
i may or may not be watching the land before time
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
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