She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
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