yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
