somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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