dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Randomize
