You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Blow job season was short but glorious.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
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