i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
How's work?
Spinning.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Randomize
