Don't make out with my wife yet
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
