dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Less talking, more tequila
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Randomize
