jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Randomize
