The brown eye won't let me do that either.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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