I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
