Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
