Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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