I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
Randomize
