if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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