she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
