my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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