At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
