Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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