currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Randomize
