she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
