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• (202): View more from Washington, DC

  like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?

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• (440): View more from Ohio

  i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.

  (440): View more from Ohio

  I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl

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• (602): View more from Arizona

  either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.

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• (201): View more from New Jersey

  It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car

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• (704): View more from North Carolina

  he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..

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• (810): View more from Michigan

  Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.

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• (804): View more from Virginia

  Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting

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• (614): View more from Ohio

  Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night

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• (870): View more from Arkansas

  I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.

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• (785): View more from Kansas

  As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.

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• (780): View more from Alberta, CA

  Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"

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• (567): View more from Ohio

  If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.

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• (925): View more from California

  My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.

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• (516): View more from New York

  I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.

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• (479): View more from Arkansas

  I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.

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