If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Randomize
